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Love Never Dies, A Newsletter about the Journey from Loss to Love


February 2005
Issue #14
Sandy Goodman, Editor



Welcome to the "LOVE NEVER DIES" newsletter. Please e-mail me after perusing this issue with any ideas, submissions, or questions for the May issue. Thank you!

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IN THIS ISSUE

=> From the Editor
=> Poetry
=> Resources
=> News and Tidbits
=> Tips and Ideas
=> Ponderings
=> From our Readers
=> Copyright and Subscribe/Unsubscribe information

FROM THE EDITOR

I received an email from a subscriber a few days ago, asking when the newsletter would be out. She said, "I feel better sometimes after reading them." Since I had been procrastinating the actual sitting down and typing part, I felt guilty when I realized that I might be able to shine a little light in this reader's darkness. But what to write? What does she need to hear? What can I possibly have to offer that I haven't already written somewhere . . . sometime . . . My mind was blank, just like it is every time I start thinking about writing another book. Empty . . . but . . . anticipative?

And so, after a few days of staring at an empty page, I realized I could try writing "what Jason would say." Those of you who have read Love Never Dies know that I did this at the end of each chapter. I "put words in his mouth" and did not know, until I was finished, what those words would be. I'm simply going to ask him, right now, what he wants to share. If all goes well, I will type what I think he'd say.


My mom found a poem tonight, and she may be planning on putting it somewhere else in this newsletter, but I want it right here, right now. But first, I need to warn you. If you are just now dealing with somebody dying, if you are in The Pit and feeling like you have no chance of crawling out, if you do not WANT to feel differently, then this message is not for you. Not yet. Not now. Right now your task is to feel exactly what you are feeling and feel it until it changes. If this sounds like you, scroll down and save this for later. If you've been there, but you're ready to climb out, read on. Mom, the poem?


There is a crying
that happens at night
that does not come
while the light is with us.
There are things that cannot
be evaded
once the sun goes down.
Small nocturnal creatures
with sharp white teeth
silently gnaw at the edges of
belly and heart
when the darkness descends
and the void inside
grows larger.

It can split you open.

And the bone
in the centre of your chest
aches
like the cracked wishing bone
from the turkey breast.

And if we are strong enough
to be weak enough
we are given a wound
that never heals.
It is the gift
that keeps the heart open.




Okay, I'll give you a couple minutes to swallow those last few lines, and then I want you to go get a piece of paper and a pen. Take a few minutes to notice your breathing, and then ask yourself what gifts you have received during your journey from loss to love. Oops, you may not all know what that means . . . I mean during your grieving, while you've been feeling the pain of losing someone you love. What have you gained? List them all. Every single gift you have recieved. Even if it was a gift you did not want.

Only you will see what you write. I'm not going to read over your shoulder, don't worry. And no fair writing down you've gained compassion, unless you can give an example. No fair saying your priorities have changed, unless you explain how. This is a project, not a 15 minute exercise. Leave it by your bed in case you wake up at 3 in the morning with something to add.

I would like you to work on the list for the next week. Once you think you have it all covered, and you're feeling guilty for finding good things that have actually come from the death of someone you love, I want you to take it with you and go to the place where you feel your loved ones presence the strongest. Your back yard, your car, the cemetery, wherever. Go there alone, list in hand. Sit down, get comfortable. Breathe....breathe in calm, breathe out a smile, breathe in calm, breathe out a smile . . .

Picture him or her in your mind. Remember times you spent with them. Smell the same smells, feel the same feelings. Ask them how they are, imagine the reply. Tell them how you miss them, imagine their reply. Once you have a conversation going, even though it is JUST YOUR IMAGINATION (not!) ask them to please sit with you for a while, and tell them you want to thank them for what they have given you. Read them your list. Talk to them about it. If you can, imagine them asking you questions about what you have written, and you answering those questions. Allow yourself to feel gratitude and love. Allow yourself to feel love rather than pain for just this little speck of time. Allow yourself to believe.

What is the point? The point is this. When grief happens, and every feeling and belief you hold true is scraped out of you until you are raw and bleeding, you have an opportunity to start over. Everything you learn, know, or experience after that can be a gift. But only if you allow yourself to perceive it as such. So many of you hold on to your bitterness and your anger because you think you are betraying us, the ones who have died. But we aren't dead... and the gifts we call your attention to are gifts from us, or because of us. We want you to know that. We want you to stop thinking the way you do, and start feeling the way you can.

Wow, I got pretty serious there for a minute, huh? I guess I still have a smidgen of that "Mr. Goodman" personality hanging around. I don't know if this will help any of you, but I sure feel better. Woooo-eeeeee. . .

This is Jason, back after a long vacation and ready to roll. Over and out.

POETRY

Question

There is not a moment
or a place
that you are not
i find you in sunshine
in darkness
in the wind
and in calmness
in silence
in laughter
in tears
and in joy.
why then
do i miss you
if you are always here?
it is
perhaps
not the "missing you",
but is instead
the missing
what was never real
and... was never mine.


RESOURCES

The books I'm listing this quarter are both soon to be released so be patient and save your pennies while you're waiting.
Practical Praying: Using The Rosary To Enhance Your Life by John Edward
. . . explores the power of the rosary as a tool to bring focused energy and creative thought into your everyday life.

What God Wants : A Compelling Answer to Humanity's Biggest Question by Neale Donald Walsch
Be careful. This book is dangerous. It explores with startling freshness the most important question you could ever ask, and offers with breathtaking courage the most extraordinary answer you could ever imagine.

NEWS AND TIDBITS

What: "Dreams4Healing Chat" with Carla Blowey, bereaved mom and author of Dreaming Kevin: The Path To Healing
When: Second Monday, March 14, 2005
Time: 9-10:30 pm ET
Where: Here
Host: Carla Blowey (carla@dreamingkevin.com ) with ADC staffer Jeannie.
I also recommend Carla's newsletter. The first issue just arrived in my email box this week and I think you'll like it. Send an email to Carla at carla@dreamingkevin.com and tell her I sent you.

I will be presenting a workshop, The Gifts of Grief, on July 14-17, 2005 at the Bereaved Parents of the USA National Gathering in Las Vegas, NV. I will also be joining my fellow bereaved parents/authors/friends, Mitch Carmody, Carla Blowey, and Judy Collier to present two additional workshops: The Phenomena of After Death Communication and So You Want to Write a Book

I am doing a little work on my website so visit with compassion during the next few weeks. Things may be a little messy for a while until I decide what I want to do. If any of you have suggestions, please let me know.

I get emails nearly every week from readers who want recommendations for mediums. This is what (and who) I recommend. If you are "new" to the mediumship arena and have never experienced a reading either as an observer or as a "readee", I suggest you begin by visiting chat rooms where readings take place and continue visiting until you are comfortable with the process. You can do this at Spiritspace, at Shrine Of Hope, and at Innerlight. The readings are free, sporadic and not scheduled, so you may spend several nights just getting acquainted with the channel's visitors. This too is good!

Now, if you are ready for a paid reading and wish to make an appointment with a medium, I recommend Ocallah. Ocallah's webpage has all the information you will need and you can visit it HERE.

TIPS AND IDEAS

As far as ideas, I think I will let Jason's stand alone this time.

Tips- Remember that spring is peeking in the door at us and with the change of seasons, there are changes in our memories. The "firsts" never really stop happening. You will remember things twenty years from now for the first time. Remember that memories are good things, not bad. Enjoy them, savor them, look for them.

And go blow some bubbles, it's that time of year.

PONDERINGS

I do some of my best pondering as I wait outside the gym for my workout partner. Last week, I even went a little early for exactly that reason. As I sat there I told Jason that I felt I had stopped reaching. Stopped searching for answers, stopped growing spiritually. I was berating myself for spending so little time on spiritual growth in my life, and sharing it with Jason, when I "heard" him say, "You went there because you needed to be physical, spiritual growth happens when it does. But...there are things you go THERE to experience, because it is physical, because there are egos and personality and emotions, that you can't experience here. Stop worrying, be happy." Hmmmmmm....

A few days later, again sitting in my truck alone, I wondered out loud if my grief work, my experiences, my book, etc. was really still my passion. Was I really still vested in sharing and helping others? Did I still have the excitement I had in the beginning when I shared Jason's story? Or had it faded with time and lost its power? That night, I received an email from an old high school friend of all three of my boys. She had read my book. She was amazed. She was moved. She was going to send it to her parents who had lost an older daughter the same year we lost Jason. A door had opened and the light was pouring in. I cried as I read her words. The passion was still there. I had simply forgotten to reach for it.

FROM OUR READERS

I may have had something to put here, but unfortunately, my hard drive crashed and none of the data was retrievable. If you have something you'd like to ask or share, please email me.

COPYRIGHT INFO
Copyright 2005, All Rights Reserved

Please pass this newsletter on, in it's entirety, to your friends.

SUBSCRIPTION INFO
Subscriptions to this newsletter are free. Love Never Dies is a quarterly newsletter. If you have received this from a friend, and you'd like to subscribe, or you wish to Unsubscribe, simply visit http://www.loveneverdies.net and fill out the short form at the bottom of the page. Online issues can be found here.

They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.


Sandy Goodman
Love Never Dies
sandy@loveneverdies.net