There are those who manage to skip the pain. They go back to work, they push all thoughts of their loss aside. They never give themselves time to feel the hurt. Ten years later, they still are unable to mention or hear of their child's name. THEY HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH IT. They have gone around it. And they have let their child's memory die with him/her.
There are also those who will not let it be. They choose to take their pain and absorb it into their hearts. They will not move past it. They want to hurt, they want to suffer. They become bitter, angry people. They are jealous of others who have healthy children, and they are angry at the world for stealing their child. They believe we, as a society, owe them WHATEVER they want. They do not reach out to help others because they believe that they should remain in pain. It is the RIGHT thing to do.
I am going to say one more thing here. If you are new to this loss, if you are still in the pit, you may be offended by this. You may disagree with what I am about to say. But I believe it with all my heart, and I believe I need to share it. If you go through this pain with the intention of surviving it, and with the hope that you can grow from it, you will come out of it on the other side with gifts both for yourself and for others.
Allow me to use a metaphor: Grieving the death of my son is like walking along a strange road in the dark. Since it is my belief that every situation I encounter is an opportunity for me to grow, I have to find that opportunity. But first I have to get out of the pit that lies at the beginning of the journey. I have to get through the mire, find the right turns, and climb a few mountains. I have to make mistakes, retrace my steps, ask for directions, rest, and endure. I have to have faith in something or someone being there to catch me when I fall. When I do all of that, however long it takes, I plan to arrive at my destination with my arms laden with treasures I have found along the way. There will be days when I need to go back into the forest. There will be nights when I am back at the beginning. But once I walk this road from beginning to end, I can at least walk alongside someone who is just crawling out of the pit.......and with the treasures of compassion, strength and insight, I will be able to make their journey a little bit less lonely.
The Love Never Dies 4U Organization is a national support group for anyone grieving the death of a loved one. Still in its infancy, LND4U intends to be an open minded support source for the bereaved, focusing strongly on the belief that any healing modality that is positive in its outcome is valid and acceptable. Our website currently includes a support forum, a chat room (open 24/7), and the LND4U E-Newsletter archives. Future plans include local chapters, frequent workshops, and an annual healing retreat.
The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is a national support group for bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. TCF offers support groups led by bereaved parents, books, newsletters, national and regional conferences, and most importantly- understanding. Please go to this page and inquire or call your local chapter.
Grief Net has an extensive list of email groups. They were my lifeline during the first year)
Tom Golden's Grief And Healing
Hello From Heaven This site is about after death communications but also has excellent chat rooms for the bereaved and an active message board.
LoveNeverDies.net is maintained by:
Sandy Goodman
Riverton, Wyoming
sandy@loveneverdies.net
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